


When You Feel Invisible, Remember That I See You

by OfFireAndMars



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drama, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, mentions of domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 21:15:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17874986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfFireAndMars/pseuds/OfFireAndMars
Summary: When Chanyeol suddenly finds himself gazing out of eyes not quite his own, he learns to confront his demons and find happiness along the way.





	When You Feel Invisible, Remember That I See You

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on a film called In Your Eyes, which I highly recommend if you haven't seen it already. I hope you enjoy this little piece. I feel like it's a bit rushed because I only spent two days writing this. Ordinarily I would spend more time perfecting the details but time is a commodity I do not have. Anyway, happy reading ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

It happened astoundingly fast. One moment Chanyeol was driving his pickup, soaring at an incredible speed through the deserted roads and the next, he wasn’t in his skin anymore and he wasn’t in his pickup either. Suddenly, he was in a snowy town probably on the other side of the country, staring down at hands that were far too delicate and feminine to be his own. He thought he was hallucinating. Perhaps he had fallen asleep behind the wheel and this was just a dream, one helluva a realistic crazy dream. And if this was real, if he was awake through this all, maybe his childhood bully was right when he teased that Chanyeol should be institutionalized. The asshole could have been on to something even way back then. 

But as quickly at it happened, so as quickly as it disappeared. Chanyeol was back in the comforts of his own skin, in the dishevelment of his olive green jalopy, speeding down the road as if nothing had happened. It freaked Chanyeol out. So he slowed down to a halt, put the truck in neutral and got out. The minute his feet touched the dirt, he doubled over and heaved out this morning’s breakfast. The leftover acid on his tongue did nothing to pacify his roller coaster of a stomach and so he took a little lie down on the spiny burr grass littering the amber sand on the side of the road. He felt dizzy and cold. He pinched himself a few times just to make sure he could actually feel and stared at his big burly hands just to make sure they were the hands he had known all his life. Everything seemed to be as right as rain. Except it wasn’t.

He didn’t know it then, but these “episodes”, as he termed them, would become a frequent in his life. It would happen at the most random of times; when he was brushing his teeth, eating his dinner, attending to customers at work. Not to mention some pretty inconvenient of times like when he was taking a dump or making love to his lady friends. These moments would come like a hurricane unannounced and wreak havoc on his day. He was never quite the same old Chanyeol until a few hours after his “episodes” faded away. 

As the months rolled by and the scorching summer heat came in like an unwanted drunk uncle at a Christmas party, Chanyeol’s “episodes” occurred so many times throughout the day, that he decided to take some leave from work, saving himself from any embarrassment if someone were to catch on. He honestly felt like some loony and seriously considered admitting himself into the local psychiatric hospital. But first, he needed to confide in a friend. 

He was sitting out on the porch, a beer in his hand and a cigarette bouncing between his slightly parted lips. He stared at his best friend sitting across from him. 

“The fuck, Yeol? Why you looking at me like that?” Sehun scooted his folding chair so that he faced away from Chanyeol. “It’s like you’re in love with me or something.” He mumbled into his identical beer bottle. 

“Sehun,” Knowing his best friend often had the best of intentions but failed to deliver on “best friend duties”, as Chanyeol called it, he decided to take a gamble and confide in the blonde, hoping for the best. If Sehun didn’t want to be his friend anymore then fine. Chanyeol would be heartbroken but all’s for the best. He needed to tell someone of these “episodes”. He needed to breathe again. 

“If I tell you something strange about me, would you promise to keep an open mind?” 

Sehun snorted, not quite attractively. “No.” Well, so much for that, Chanyeol thought. 

“I’m serious, Hunnie. It’s important that you listen, okay?” They could hear the cicadas in the grass a few feet from them, the incessant buzzing slowly grating on his nerves. Chanyeol had to take a few deep breaths to calm down. Lately, everything he heard and saw and felt just seemed to bother him, put him into a fit of rage sometimes. That’s just how stressed he was. This morning, he accidentally squirted too much toothpaste on his toothbrush and he got so violently angry, he thought the world was ending. He didn’t know what he would do if Sehun responded to his secret with sarcasm so he hoped the boy would take his words to heart. 

“Fine, I’m listening. What is it?” He was stilled turned with his back towards Chanyeol but a slight tilt of his head was all indication that he was truly listening. So Chanyeol took a deep breath to ready himself. 

“Sometimes, I see and feel things that are not really here.” Sehun said nothing to this so he continued. “Like, I’m in someone else’s body but still in mine? For a few seconds I’m not here but elsewhere. I see another person’s hands and another city. I hear different sounds. I even feel the weather sometimes, like if it’s snowing where I’m temporarily transported to, I feel the cold…” 

Still no response. Well, this is going better than I expected, he thought to himself. 

“I feel...shorter.”

“Shorter? You? You’re like a freaking palm tree. How can _you_ be short?” 

Chanyeol was slightly pissed that of everything he just said,  _ that _ was what triggered Sehun. But battles rage on so he continued... again. “I know it’s weird but really, I think I’m in someone else’s body when it happens. It feels so real. And then suddenly, I’m back in my own skin. I don’t know how it’s possible but all I know is that...that I really feel like a total nut job, man and I don’t know...I just...I…” At his point, Chanyeol had stood up so fast his camping chair folding in on itself and now he was pacing back and forth, his voice rising shrillingly loud and his hand combed through his hair in frustration.   


“Whoa, man. Calm down. It’s okay.” Sehun placed a comforting hand on Chanyeol’s should and tenderly massaged the tense muscle there. “It’s okay, buddy.” Directing his friend back to his sad looking camping chair, he helped him settle down. He placed both hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders, leaned down and looked him in the eye. 

“I think you need to lay off the green stuff, Yeol. Clearly it’s not doing you any favors.” Chanyeol was furious. Did Sehun think he was fucking around? Why wouldn’t he take what he said seriously?

“I haven’t smoked weed since high school, when Jongdae gave us some weird combination shit and we all tripped out for like three days. Remember?” He brushed Sehun’s hands off him, hating the lingering sweat from the blonde’s hands that now soaked through the material on his shoulders. 

“Really? I mean, I noticed you were sometimes out of it, but I honestly thought you were lighting up a few sticks when no one was looking. Or baking some ‘special’ cookies.” He said the word ‘special’ with air quotes and it only riled Chanyeol up more. 

“You know what? Just go. I told you sometime important, something embarrassing and I’m really freaking out over it. If you want to assume some bullshit juvenile excuse for my behavior, then just rather leave.” Folding his arms across his chest, he furrowed his eyebrows in a way that always made the ladies swoon, and stared out over at the shrubs and the trees, boiling with anger inside and trying ever so hard to keep himself from acting out. 

“Take a chill pill, Yeol. Maybe you’re just sleep deprived. Or maybe you just need to get off. Have a real good wank later tonight and you’ll see, it’ll clear all the toxins in your brain.” 

All Chanyeol could do in response to this ridiculous suggestion was scoff and roll his eyes. He took a swig of his beer and continued to ignore the deluded Sehun next to him. 

“Alright, fine. Whatever. Call me when you calm down from your hissy fit.” And with that, Chanyeol was left alone to his own devices. He was mad at Sehun. The guy just didn’t get it. What was happening to Chanyeol could be termed  _ supernatural  _ or  _ paranormal _ . Or worse;  _ crazy! _ And the last thing Chanyeol wanted was to be branded as mentally unstable. A personal nightmare of his was turning out to be like his mother, who a few years back, had a psychotic breakdown and was locked away, drugged day and night until she lost her sense of self. It was a dark secret that Chanyeol kept locked deep within him. His mother became faceless; her personality faded away and she wasn’t his loving, caring mom anymore. Chanyeol couldn’t even hold a conversation with her and so he stopped visiting her at the hospital because honestly, it broke his heart. 

 

It broke his heart and the guilt ate up whatever little pieces there were left. 

 

And now the “episodes” were not only happening more frequently, but longer too. The longest so far was a whole ten minutes of him just staring out at a space not his own, feeling like he was in a body not his own, in a home not his own. And it was so  _ real. _ He thought to himself that the next time this happened, he would try touch something, maybe reach up to his face or pick up whatever object was near him. He would also try talking. Would his voice be not his own too? 

Chanyeol was lucky that the next “episode” happened to be later that evening after Sehun left. He was standing in front of his full-length mirror checking out his physique. Not admitting he was proud of his hard work over the last few weeks, he modestly ran his fingers up and down the building of muscles, trailing over the curves of his biceps and definition of his abs. And then the next moment, he wasn’t looking at himself anymore but at someone else. This person too was standing in front of a mirror, a small bathroom one by the look of things and wow, the detail was insane! He looked to be a little younger than Chanyeol but his face was delicate, soft smooth skin like porcelain and his dark eyelashes that fluttered in surprise made him look so pretty. But he was manly too. Chanyeol noticed his broad shoulders and the slight bulging of strong collar bones when the man reached up to touch the mirror. 

This was it, Chanyeol thought. He’d try talk to this person. It was definitely the same man each time if the glimpse of his fingers was anything to go by. The man staring back at him through the mirror seemed just as surprised as Chanyeol and for a moment, Chanyeol considered that perhaps it was his own expression he was seeing. But when the man tilted his head to the side and blinked a like a confused puppy, Chanyeol knew then this was definitely not himself. So he gathered up his courage and dared speak out. 

“H-hello?” His voice was still the same and he noticed, with odd satisfaction, that the man’s lips did not move as he spoke. Good, Chanyeol thought. He’s not me and I’m not him. He’s a totally different person. The man didn’t reply but looked taken aback. For a moment, he turned his head from side to side searching, probably trying to see if there was someone in the bathroom with him. But when he turned back to face the mirror, his eyes shone with understanding. 

This is happening to him too, Chanyeol thought. He is seeing things from my side. 

Ever so slowly like a timid puppy edging closer and closer to the outstretched hand of a stranger, the man spoke, his voice soft and husky. And very nervous. 

“Hello.” And Chanyeol felt a jolt. The voice was as clear as if he had spoken himself. He heard it all around him even in his head. Clearing his throat, he attempted to strike up a conversation. Maybe this man held some key answers to the weird phenomenon they found themselves in. 

“I’m Ch-Chanyeol.” Speaking calmly and carefully so as not the scare the poor thing away, he also reached up a hand to stroke the mirror before him; an out-of-body handshake of sorts. 

“Baekhyun.” The man replied but didn’t do anything more. His arms and hands moved back to stay by his side. 

“Look, I know this is...well, weird. But do you by any chance have any idea why this is happening to us?” If he concentrated, he could see both himself and Baekhyun, as if one eye was looking through Baekhyun’s eyes and the other through his own. Surprisingly, it didn’t put him off in any way; no dizzying effect or strange kaleidoscopic vision either. It all seemed quite natural, weirdly so. 

Baekhyun remained stoic. His eyes were still wide in shock and he still hadn’t moved an inch since introducing himself. Chanyeol thought he looked quite scared. And just then, a loud banging came from the door. Not Chanyeol’s door but Baekhyun’s and a rough, angry voice shouted through. 

“Are you done? Get your ass out here!” And then it was silent again. Baekhyun hadn’t so much as flinched at the sound of the banging or the voice so Chanyeol assumed this was a regular occurrence for him. But he was loathed to say goodbye just yet. 

“Please. Could we talk? If not now then the next time this happens?” Baekhyun narrowed his eyes in suspicion and then it was over as quick as it began. Chanyeol was back in his own body, staring at his own bewildered reflection in the mirror. When he spoke, it sounded as normal as ever. Baekhyun was gone and he wasn’t sure if the man would ever reach out to him. 

“Great!” He groaned, running a hand through his disheveled hair. He was  _ so  _ close! But obviously Baekhyun didn’t trust him. Maybe Baekhyun blamed this whole phenomenon on him! Frustrated more than ever, Chanyeol went over to his medicine cabinet, took out two headache pills and dry swallowed. He stood staring at his reflection in the mirror for a few minutes longer and then when the pills kicked in, he retired to bed. That night, he dreamed of dark eyelashes and long, slender fingers. He heard husky laughter and felt hands graze up his sides, massaging his muscles and soft pink lips closing over his own. When he woke up in the morning, he groaned at the boner poking through his boxers. Great! Now he was getting turned on by the stranger he now knew as Baekhyun. 

 

The “episodes” continued to happen but never longer than a few seconds. Chanyeol tried to be as perceptive as possible though. He caught glimpses of Baekhyun’s life and learned a whole lot by witnessing just a few scenes. He learned that Baekhyun hated broccoli as he always pushed the green devils to the side of his plate. Baekhyun was indeed much shorter than Chanyeol and a few times, Chanyeol saw him having to reach really hard to grab at something on a shelf just above his head. Baekhyun loved the outdoors and often sat eating his lunch in a beautiful garden, even if the weather seemed much colder and wetter than where Chanyeol lived. The cold didn’t seem to bother Baekhyun. Once, Chanyeol caught a glimpse of the man wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt while taking a leisurely stroll through a winter garden, the snow falling heavenly before his eyes. Chanyeol had seen snow on tv, in movies, in books but he never once experienced it himself. He longed to touch its fluffiness or feel the chill seep through his fingers. He wanted to lay a snowflake on his tongue and taste it. That was still in the early days. As time went on, he learned more. 

Baekhyun was a late riser while Chanyeol was up at the crack of dawn. Baekhyun ate mangoes every opportunity he got, while Chanyeol hated getting the bits stuck between his teeth and so avoided the fruit as much as possible. Baekhyun liked the darkness, often sitting at night with a single candle lit for some light while Chanyeol switched on every lamp the minute the sun went down. Baekhyun preferred hot sauce on his fries while Chanyeol was a plain salt kind of guy. Sure, there were numerous differences but also similarities. These were harder to scope out because understanding what they had in common meant that Chanyeol, and perhaps Baekhyun too, had to stop lying to themselves and face some cold hard truths they tended to avoid. This happened with one particular “episode” that left Chanyeol’s heart sore and bruised. 

 

In the middle of the night, Chanyeol woke up to a sight not his own. 

Baekhyun, he thought. 

But now he could feel too. Baekhyun was sad, immensely so. His body shook with sobs and Chanyeol could hear his crying, how he sniffed and blew his nose. He wanted to ask what was wrong but he wasn’t even sure Baekhyun knew he was there. The shorter of the two was kneeling on the floor in the bathroom, the cold from the tiles numbing his skin. He had probably been sitting like that for a while anyway because Chanyeol could sense the signs of pins and needles in his calves. Baekhyun kept wiping his eyes with a tissue and tried very hard to make as little sound as possible, maybe because someone else was in the house with him and he couldn’t bare to wake that person up. Perhaps he was afraid. It felt like his whole body was crushed from the inside. Whatever upset Baekhyun so much had Chanyeol feeling like he himself wanted to cry. And indeed, when he lifted his fingers up to his own eyes, he felt the familiar wetness of tears. 

“Hey,” he whispered gently. Baekhyun didn’t seem surprised by Chanyeol’s sudden appearance. Slowly getting up, he walked over to the mirror and that’s when Chanyeol gasped. Baekhyun’s face was purple and blue from bruises forming over his eye and lips. A cut on his cheek dripped a dollop of blood and his skin was pale; frightfully so. 

“What happened?” Chanyeol felt so angry! Who in their right mind would harm such a precious creature?! Baekhyun was an angel personified. Beauty and gentleness seeped out his pores as if he was made of the stuff. In the few moments he got to witness Baekhyun’s life, he came to understand what an absolute darling the shorter was. 

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol coaxed. It seemed the shorter didn’t want to talk but eventually he took a deep breath and spoke to Chanyeol only for the second time since they first met. 

“He hit me. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

“Nothing to worry about?! No one ever has the right to hurt you like that, Baekhyun.” A minute of silence passed and then Baekhyun squared his shoulders and turned away from the mirror towards to the door. 

“Wait!” Chanyeol didn’t want to leave things like this. Already he could feel the tell-tale signs of the “episode” ending. “Please, talk to me. I’ll listen. You don’t have to be alone in this.” Baekhyun turned back to the mirror and his expression was anything but impressed. In fact, he seemed angry. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know me. Go away!” Turning towards the door, Baekhyun yanked it open and stepped down the hallway. But Chanyeol was still there with him. The “episode” hadn’t stopped just yet. 

“I know some things about you just like I’m sure you know some things about me.” Baekhyun scoffed at this. He arrived in the kitchen and put his rain boots on. “I know you’re a quiet soul but you like to be around people.” Chanyeol was thinking fast. Needing to convince Baekhyun to let him stay, he spoke quickly but carefully. One wrong word and it could ruin everything. “I know lilies are your favorite flower and you get up in the middle of the night to drink a glass of milk even though it gives you an upset stomach in the morning. Because you’re lactose intolerant yet dairy is your guilty pleasure and you can’t help yourself.” 

Baekhyun’s hand stopped just short of clamping down on the door handle that led to the garden. Now Chanyeol knew he was truly listening so he continued. “I know you have a sweet tooth but you feel guilty after you’ve eaten a bag of sweets. So you promise yourself you would never do it again but do anyway. It’s endearing, I think.” Chanyeol chuckled at the memory of Baekhyun hesitating before grabbing a bag of marshmallows and stuffing his face full of the fluffy goodness. “I don’t think you should stop. It makes you happy.” 

A wild storm was howling outside, Chanyeol could hear. It wouldn’t be a good idea for Baekhyun to tread out in the night. 

“I also know you are deeply sad.” Baekhyun’s hand tightened on the door handle but so far he made no move to open the door and go outside. 

“You know nothing.” Baekhyun seethed through his teeth and Chanyeol knew he was stepping over a line but if he could get Baekhyun to just listen to him, he would know that Chanyeol was not trying to taunt him or mock him. 

“Listen, Baekhyun. I know you are sad because I’m sad too. The way you feel is no different from how I always felt. And I always thought there was something wrong with me because everyone around me always seemed to have their shit together but not me. I tried everything, yet nothing could bring me happiness for longer than a few hours. At night, I feel so hopeless. Like there’s this huge boulder sitting on my chest and no matter how hard I try, I can never push it off. I know you feel like that too.” 

Tears were streaming down Baekhyun’s face. Chanyeol could see the tiny splatters on the floor below and hear the quiet sobs escaping the shorter’s mouth. He hit a nerve, he knew but it needed to be done. 

“You’re not alone, Baekhyun. I feel the same. We’re totally different people in different cities and have different lives. But we have more in common than I have with any of my closest friends. So please… don’t go out in the cold.” 

Cries were raking through Baekhyun’s body. Slumping over and collapsing on the floor, he weeped into his hands. He seemed so small, so lost and Chanyeol yearned to reach out to him and hold him, give him some warmth and whisper in his ear that it would be okay. And then he remembered that while he couldn’t touch Baekhyun per se, Baekhyun could touch him. It could work, right?

“Baekhyun. Do something, would ya?” His cries were still echoing in the darkness of the night but he was calming down a little. A good sign. 

“What?” Voice groggy and full of so much sorrow, he finally lifted his head and gave Chanyeol his full attention. 

“Let me hold you.” Chanyeol said. 

“What? H-how would you do that?” Confused and failing to understand how exactly that would be done, Baekhyun gathered his knees to his chest and hugged his arms around himself. It was then that he noticed. Oh! He could feel Chanyeol. 

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun whispered out to the dark. He felt Chanyeol’s hands on his shoulders, his arms awkwardly wrapping themselves around him. 

“I’m hugging myself.” Chanyeol replied. “You can feel it, yes? It’s like I’m hugging you.” And yes, Baekhyun could feel it. Suddenly, there was a tingle of warmth emitting around him and it felt so incredibly good. It was as real as any hug could be. He wanted to try it too. So he unraveled himself and then tentatively wrapped his arms around his own shoulders. 

“Do you feel that?” and Chanyeol hummed in confirmation. They stayed like that for a while. Neither saying anything until Baekhyun decided to be a bit more adventurous. Bringing his hand up to his face, he trailed his fingers gently along every curve and surface. He felt himself but if he pushed that feeling back he could feel Chanyeol instead. 

“Your face is soft.” Lowering his hand, he touched his lips, or rather, Chanyeol’s lips. “You are warm.” His hand trailed down to his chin. “You need a shave.” And he giggled a little when he felt Chanyeol disapprove of his observation. Fingers circled around his neck, then patted against collarbones then further down, where he found, much to his secret delight, a strong chest packed with muscle. “You work out. I’ve seen before but it feels...quite nice.” 

On the other side, Chanyeol did the same. He so desperately wanted to touch Baekhyun so he tuned into Baekhyun’s hands roaming along his body. When Baekhyun touched his lips, Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun’s on the tips of his fingers. When his hand moved down towards his chest, Chanyeol didn’t feel his pectorals but rather Baekhyun’s softness under his shirt. Hands roamed down and splayed on a soft tummy while Baekhyun felt hard lines and tough muscle. 

“Did I wake you from your sleep, Chanyeol?” Oh, he remembered my name! Chanyeol was delighted at knowing this and he was sure Baekhyun could feel a jolt of happiness course through him. 

“Yes, but it’s okay. I’m not working tomorrow so I could be up all night. Want me to keep you company until you go to sleep?” He could see Baekhyun get up from the floor and step back down the hallway. 

“This is our bedroom.” He pointed at a closed double-door. “But I can’t stand to sleep in there anymore. At least, not with him.” He carried himself down further and turned a corner until he arrived at a single bedroom. 

“Is he your husband?” Chanyeol wondered exactly what their relationship was. If this man was hurting Baekhyun so much, why would he stay with him? Why not leave? Unless they were tied by marital duties which often made things more complicated. 

“Yes, he’s my husband on paper but not in the way he treats me. I’m expendable to him. I’m just here for his convenience and when he wants, he goes off to other men and women who can offer him something I can’t.” 

Chanyeol hissed at the revelation. “What a jackass!” He could feel Baekhyun smiling. “Why don’t you leave that sorry son-of-a-bitch? He doesn’t deserve you and you deserve so much better.”

“What? Like you?” The comment caught Chanyeol off-guard. It’s not what he was implying but when he thought about it more, he realized that yes, he could offer Baekhyun more. 

“I thought so.” The shorter smirked when he felt Chanyeol’s thoughts. Climbing into bed, he made himself comfortable and laid there for a few seconds. “I’m sure you’d treat me much better than him. I know so. I’ve seen the way you are with people. You’re kind and soft hearted. You have patience even if I know they secretly get on your nerves. I’ve seen the way you are with lovers.” Chanyeol blushed. Of course, Baekhyun had been present the times Chanyeol was getting frisky in the sheets. “You make love to them like you care more about their pleasure than your own. It’s sweet.” 

Chanyeol felt chuffed with himself. He was often told he was a good lover and it was nice hearing Baekhyun approve. But with that came the realization. 

“That’s nice and all, Baek. But none of them stay longer than a week. Eventually they all leave. Can’t handle the emotional baggage, I suppose.” He felt sad then. Loneliness was a big part of his life. He had two major secrets that constantly ate up his thoughts- his mother’s condition and the out of body experiences with Baekhyun. So he couldn’t really blame his partners for them yelling at him saying he was too distant or his mind was always somewhere else, that he never paid them much attention. Once, he was accused of cheating because he was always so distracted and Chanyeol felt so offended. Never would he disrespect his partner with infidelity. That was the only relationship he ended himself. 

“Yeah, I guess I understand. The only reason why my husband hasn’t left me is because of liability costs. He’s some hotshot in my dad’s firm. If he divorced me, he’d probably get fired and have to pay out the debt he incurred from the firm. Plus, there’s alimony. Not that I care about any of that.” Baekhyun was getting sleepier. He felt relaxed listening to Chanyeol talk, even if the topic was a little too serious for a lullaby. 

“Why don’t you leave him then, huh? You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You can get out if you want. Why suffer? There’s so much better things out there.” It was one thing Chanyeol couldn’t understand. Why didn’t Baekhyun just leave? 

Baekhyun settled himself more comfortably on the pillow. He turned the lamp off, the faint glow of the room now awash in inky blackness and the silence of the night became overwhelming to Chanyeol’s ears as he waited anxiously for an answer. 

“I don’t know who I am without him. I don’t work so I depend on him to provide everything for me. I’m quite shy so it’s hard for me to make new friends. He takes me out to dinner parties so that I don’t have to get out the house on my own accord.” 

“I get that, Baek. I get you’re afraid. But you need to get out. This dependency you have on him is not worth your happiness; your life.” 

Chanyeol, still seated in his bed, decided to lay down with his hand splayed next to him. “Feel me.” He whispered and brought his other hand so that he could clasp them both together, fingers slotting in between each other. “I’m holding your hand. Can you feel it?” Baekhyun smiled and hummed. He imitated the action too. 

“It’s not so easy to just walk away. I might hate him but I can’t bring myself to leave him. I know he needs me in his own way. He just doesn’t know how to express his love or his frustrations right. So yeah, he becomes violent at times but I know deep down he loves me. And what would I be without him anyway? Nothing, I tell you.” The night wore on and Chanyeol felt himself becoming more and more awake. He was riled up by Baekhyun’s words, how untrue they were. He figured there was something more going on. 

“Do you feel guilty? If you leave him, knowing he loves you and that he needs you, would you feel guilty for choosing yourself over him?” There it was. Baekhyun’s body stiffened on the bed and his eyes shot wide open. Chanyeol hit a nerve again but this time, Baekhyun wasn’t so forgiving. 

“You don’t know anything!” He spat. “Don’t assume shit just because you’ve seen me drink milk or eat a bag of sweets. You don’t know what’s going on in my marriage and you have no right to know. So stay the fuck away. Fuck off!” 

For a moment, it felt like Chanyeol was suspended in space before he managed to blink his eyes a few times and he realized he was fully back in his body. Baekhyun was gone; his warmth, his honey voice, his soft gentle hands. Chanyeol overstepped a line and now Baekhyun was gone. Disappointed in himself, he got up and grabbed a handful of headache pills. He swallowed them all and then went back to bed. He hated himself and all he wanted was to sleep the pain away. Seeing Baekhyun bruised, feeling his heartache and now knowing he might have lost the chance of ever talking to him ever again, Chanyeol just wanted the numbness of sleep to carry him away. 

 

So he was quite surprised when the next day, as he was cooking a neat pot or ramen, he heard Baekhyun’s voice. 

“Hey.” Came the shy greeting. Chanyeol could see Baekhyun’s face; he was staring at himself in the mirror, wanting Chanyeol to see him. At first, Chanyeol decided to ignore him. He hadn’t slept well despite the number of pills he took and today he was feeling groggy and moody as hell. He even chased Sehun away with a pair of chopsticks in his hands held high as if he would peck the blonde’s eyes out. Sehun did the wise thing and tucked tail and bolted. 

“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to get to angry and swear at you like that.” Chanyeol continued to stir his noodles, refusing to listen to a word Baekhyun said, although he was having a bit of trouble in that department. 

“Chanyeol. I understand if you don’t want to talk to me but just know that I’m truly sorry. And you were right. Spot on. I just...I didn’t want to admit the truth to myself and knowing you hit the nail right on the head made me feel so...vulnerable and scared.” 

The noodles were done. He turned the stove off and got his bowl ready. 

“Baekhyun, I’ll leave you alone from now on, okay. It’s what you want. You made that clear last night. And to be honest, it’s best that way. I obviously hurt you and it’s not fair to you. You don’t deserve that.” He could feel Baekhyun’s agitation and nervousness like a buzzing under his skin. But he chose to ignore it. “Goodbye, Baek. Have a good life.” Not that he knew if the “episode” would end there or not but it was worth a try.  He was really ready to end it all until he heard a sob escape from Baekhyun. He immediately tried to see the shorter’s face but Baekhyun had lowered his head and cupped his face with his hands so all Chanyeol saw from his side was darkness. 

“I’m s-so sorry.” Baekhyun wailed. “I didn’t mean it. Chanyeol, you’re...you’re so incredible! I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to say goodbye. Last night, you made me so happy.” Baekhyun uncovered his face and stared directly at his reflection, at Chanyeol. “You made me smile for the first time in weeks. Fuck! I’m so pathetic, aren’t I?” He laughed but it was anything but amused. “I know you were just trying to help. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. Actually, you know what? Maybe it’s best I get out of your life. All I seem to do is hurt those around me. I’m toxic and you don’t need that.” 

Chanyeol felt the air closing in on him. He struggled to breathe. Why was Baekhyun saying these things? He wasn’t toxic! He was beauty and love and so pure and precious. Baekhyun needed to realize just how fucking amazing he was but Chanyeol couldn’t tell him any of that right now. He saw spots before his eyes and he heard Baekhyun calling out for him but his voice was oddly distant, a million miles away. His body was swaying and then he felt something sharp and hard hit his forehead and then nothing. Chanyeol passed out on the floor while all Baekhyun could do was scream out his name helplessly. 

Baekhyun saw black. And he felt nothing. Chanyeol had fainted and now he didn’t know how to help him. He couldn’t phone someone. He couldn’t pick the man up from the floor. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” He cursed at himself. “Why am I like this? Why do I always do the wrong thing?!” Truly he hated himself in that moment. Ever since he met Chanyeol, he somehow felt as if things would be okay. He would wake up in the morning with a little spring in his step. When he caught glimpses of Chanyeol’s life, he would smile at the silliness of the giant. Like that time Chanyeol was hosing his garden, trying to cool off the plants after a particular scorching day. Chanyeol would bend down and coo at his daffodils and tell cringy jokes to his roses. Baekhyun was sure Chanyeol thought he was completely alone so he continued to make a fool of himself. Except, Baekhyun didn’t think he was a fool. Baekhyun admired his cheerfulness and kindness even to the flowers in his backyard. He never thought he could be jealous of a plant. 

And now Chanyeol was passed out on the kitchen floor all because Baekhyun couldn’t stop being selfish for even just a moment. He also wasn’t returning fully back to his own body so all he could do was wait until Chanyeol came around on his own. 

Chanyeol did eventually, three hours later. He lifted his head up and immediately dropped it down on the floor again. The pain piercing throughout his skull was totally unbearable. Lifting his fingers to rub at his forehead, he felt a huge bump forming and cursed his luck. His body felt heavy and disorientated. Slowly, he heaved himself up, hands gripping the sides of his kitchen counter to pull himself to his feet. 

“What the fuck happened?” He groaned out as soon as he saw the abandoned bowl of ramen and the darkness outside. 

“You fainted.” He jumped when he heard Baekhyun’s reply. The last thing he expected was for the man to still be there. And then it all came back to him; the conversation from earlier, the panicky feeling before everything went black. He felt desperate though. He needed to tell Baekhyun how wrong he was. 

“Baekhyun, I’m sorry for ignoring you.” He gritted out between clenched teeth. The pain in his head was agonizing so he walked over to his bathroom cabinet and chucked down a couple of pills. It was as if someone had taken a chainsaw and sliced his head open from within. Could someone die of a headache? He thought to himself. 

“Not technically,” Baekhyun answered and Chanyeol jumped in surprise because again, he hadn’t expected to hear his voice. 

“You can hear my thoughts?” Chanyeol always wondered if they were connected more than by sight and feel but he never really had the inclination to look more into it. 

“Not read your thoughts per se. More like feel what you’re thinking, if that makes any sense.” 

Chanyeol walked over to the couch and threw himself down. The migraine only felt worse as the seconds ticked on by. He honest to god felt like dying right there and then. How had things gotten this bad? Was it the stress? The lack of sleep? The not so healthy eating? 

“Let me massage your head for you.” Baekhyun offered. 

“How?” This was all too much for his brain right now; processing Baekhyun’s voice who was probably an airplane's flight away sounding like he was next to the taller the whole time; thinking of the sad things Baekhyun mentioned earlier; what happened the night before. 

“Like when you hugged me. Take your hand to your temples, I’ll do the rest of the work.” So Chanyeol obeyed and strangely it worked. Baekhyun worked through him, controlling his fingers ever so gently to rub soft circles on his temples and then pushed in the spaces on his frontal bone right at about the beginning curve of his nose. It felt more painful then but after a few seconds of asserting pressure, his migraine miraculously subsided into a faint throbbing headache. 

“That’s amazing! How did you do that?” He could feel Baekhyun feeling all smug and proud; happy he did something good for the giant. 

“I get migraines a lot. My doctor told me about it. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It’s always worth a try though.” 

Now that Chanyeol was feeling a million times better, he reasoned that now would be the best time to bring up what happened earlier. 

“Baek, let’s talk.” On the other side, Baekhyun groaned like a child who’s told to eat all his vegetables before he can have any ice cream. Chanyeol smiled because that’s exactly the type of kid Baekhyun would have seemed to be. “Just listen to my side of the story. I’ll listen to yours and then we’ll call it truce. Okay?” 

“Fine. On one condition. Stand in front of a mirror. I want to see your face.” It was a fair request so Chanyeol dragged himself over to the bedroom and sat before his full-length mirror. 

“Happy? And you do the same, please.” After a few seconds, he could see the other man who appeared to be sitting in an artist’s studio. He was rocking slightly back and forth on a three-legged chair. Chanyeol wanted to ask him more about where he was, if he painted at all, but more pressing matters needed to be sorted out first. 

Taking a deep breath, he began. “I want you to know that everything I say to you, I say from my heart, as corny as that sounds. What I mean is, I’m totally honest with you. And you might have to keep an open mind but please just listen.”  Baekhyun nodded in the mirror his confirmation. Once satisfied with the shorter’s response, he continued. “I think we both were a little emotional earlier on and I wanted to explain things from my side, not to excuse my behavior but to just tell you what was going in my head at the time.”

Baekhyun stared back at him, his wide dark eyes shining gloriously in the dark. God, is he beautiful, Chanyeol thought and immediately blushed when he saw a faint pair of rosy cheeks on Baekhyun himself. He then remembered that Baekhyun could feel what he did and interpret his thoughts too. “Sorry,” he said more as a means to not offend the other away. 

“It’s okay, Chanyeol. I- I think you’re beautiful too.” Chanyeol felt like an idiot smiling so widely as he did at the other’s comment but what could he say, it made his heart jump in leaps of joy. 

“Anyway,” He cleared his throat. “Last night, I know I overstepped a boundary and you were totally justified in being angry with me. No, let me finish.” He said jumping in quickly when Baekhyun already started shaking his head in disagreement. But when the other remained silent Chanyeol took it as his cue to carry on. “I was trying to help you understand why you couldn’t just leave your husband because to me, it seemed like a pretty logical thing. The guy’s being a jerk so leave his sorry ass. And I was trying to make sense why you, beautiful and amazing as you are, would continue to stay with him. Then I realized, it’s because you’re just like me.”   


Baekhyun did that cute thing he always did when he was confused and tilted his head to the side. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Chanyeol couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight. Cute, he thought shamelessly. 

“What do you mean I’m just like you?” Baekhyun got up, reaching out his hand to hold onto the mirror and keeping in front of him, he walked out the studio and through his house towards the spare bedroom. 

“It’s like we’re video chatting but with mirrors.” Chanyeol commented and cherished the small laugh falling out the other’s mouth. Once Baekhyun settled down on the bed, Chanyeol thought for a few seconds on how to phrase what he wanted to say. 

“I’m also consumed by guilt.” He confessed and Baekhyun furrowed his brows in confusion and what seemed to be concern. “You see, my mother, well...she’s in a mental institution.” He released a long breath. That was the first time he had ever told another living soul of his mother’s situation. It felt good yet nerve-wracking at the same time. 

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun whispered. There was no judgement on his face, no scorn or disgust; just simple worry and care. 

“It was really tough in the beginning. She was always on meds so I couldn’t really talk to her. Half the time she forgot who I was, calling me John or Minseok or whatever. It hurt to know my own mother couldn’t recognize who her own son was. Anyway, as the years went on her condition became worse. And I felt so ashamed of her. I felt as if she was weak, allowing this mental disease to consume her like that. I know it’s not fair of me to think that but it’s what I felt. And still feel. I couldn’t take the baggage anymore so I stopped visiting her. And in fact, I told my last girlfriend she was dead.” Chanyeol truly felt incredibly remorseful at that and Baekhyun so longed to comfort him but in their limited capacity, there wasn’t much he could do. 

“So when I was trying to figure you out, I had to take a long hard look at myself. Just like my guilt was holding me back from happiness, so was yours. Weird, huh? I always sabotage every good thing in my life because I feel like I should be punished for having abandoned my mother. The guilt wakes me up in the middle of the night sometimes; repeating the things I’ve thought about her like a broken record until I just can’t take it anymore. And somehow, I think you’re doing the same thing to yourself- punishing yourself by staying with that man because for whatever reason, you feel guilty about leaving him.” 

When he was done, he took a deep breath. Letting it all out was freeing but damn exhausting too. He looked back at Baekhyun staring at him with what he only hoped to be honest filled eyes. The other remained quiet but Chanyeol was relieved to see he wasn’t angry or about to storm off. Instead, he looked to be in deep contemplation. Perhaps this was the first time he ever heard someone say these things to him. Being patient was one of his strong suits, so Chanyeol waited until the other was ready to talk.

“You’re right.” Baekhyun admitted. He was shaking slightly but he seemed to be able to take whatever came his way; he was strong like that. “My husband, he often tells me I’m nothing without him, that he’s done so much for me and no one in their right mind would be so selfless to such a selfish human being. He constantly reminds me of the money he spent on me, the bills he has to pay for me, how he has to buy his own dinner when I have a particular bad migraine and I can’t move to cook. And I think over the years, these ideas became a sort of fixture in my life. I started to believe every word. When he called me narcissistic I believed him even though I’m the farthest from it. When he said I take him for granted I believed it. So I would let him sleep with me even when my body was so sore and tired. He’s really rough sometimes. I’d wake up with bruises and bleeding. Oh god, TMI, right? Sorry, I didn’t mean to disclose so much.”

“No, it’s okay. Baek, you can really tell me anything. I’ll never judge you.” Baekhyun smiled back at him and Chanyeol thought his heart would break at the darling sight of him. 

“I’ve thought about leaving him so many times. The one time I actually did. I packed up all the necessary belongings, cleaned the house and made sure everything was neat and perfect. Because that’s what he demands- perfection. But the sad thing was, I only made it to the driveway before turning around and running back inside to unpack. When he came home that night, I didn’t deny him anything.” 

It hurt to realize the full extent of Baekhyun’s situation. There was no advice or comfort he could offer. All he could do was be there as a friend, as a shoulder to lean on. He hoped it would be enough. 

“But the hours you were passed out, I thought really hard about what you said. And just to let you know, I’m working on it. It might take some time, but I realize now what the problem is and I’m trying to fix it. So, thank you, Chanyeol. You really are something else.” 

The night was wearing on and the headache pills were finally starting to take their effect on his brain, lagging down his thought and slowing his movements. However, he didn’t want to end things with Baekhyun just yet because he truly enjoyed the man’s company. Baekhyun’s voice was so soft yet it would brighten up, becoming animated at times. His laugh was contagious and charming and of course, his perfect face and perfect body were always a delight to see. Chanyeol found himself falling in love with those slender fingers, with that tuft of hair on his head, with everything the other male was. And he knew it was probably one sided. Baekhyun had enough of his own problems. Romance was certainly the last thing on his mind. 

“You’re something else too, you know. I really hope you find happiness, Baek. Remember I’m always here for you.” Chanyeol felt relaxed. After a suggestion from Baekhyun he finally got into bed, situating himself in such a way that the mirror could still capture him. 

“I have an idea.” Baekhyun said and there were hints of shyness in his voice so naturally Chanyeol’s ears perked up. 

“What is it?” Suddenly he was more awake than before. 

“Close your eyes and trail your hands on your face. I want to feel you.” 

Chanyeol thought the way Baekhyun whispered those words were incredibly sexy. He decided to oblige the man, and himself too. Shutting his eyes, he brought his hand up to his face and starting from the top, he gently moved his fingers down his skin, covering every curve and surface there was. He settled the tips of his fingers on his lips and feeling inspired, he opened his mouth and brought index and middle fingers inside, coating them generously and rubbing over his lips again until they were dripping. He brushed along his chin and then down his neck, slowly and sexy. With his other hand, he began rubbing along his stomach and further down until his fingers slipped in under the material of his shirt. When he touched skin, Baekhyun hissed. 

On the other side, Baekhyun was just as naughty and admittedly, just as turned on. Following Chanyeol’s every movement, he couldn’t help but let out a soft moan when he felt fingers in his mouth and Chanyeol’s tongue darting out to lick at his own fingers. With closed eyes he focused on feeling- Chanyeol’s heat, the softness of his skin, the tautness of his muscles. The man he was touching was incredibly sexy with the way he would arch his back and move his hands all over his torso. Moaning again and feeling tiny bolts of electricity rushing through his veins, he delighted in the giant’s hands gingerly massaging the skin on his belly. Baekhyun could feel the tell-tale signs of hot stirrings down below and for once, he didn’t have to force himself or fake anything. This felt as real as real could be. 

“I’m right next to you. Do you feel me?’’ Chanyeol whispered and it had Baekhyun’s skin prickling. The man’s voice was rough with arousal and it was totally hot, getting Baekhyun all worked up. “You’re not alone, Baek. I see you. I see the real you. For when you feel invisible, remember, I see you.” Not that this was the best moment to start crying, but he couldn’t help it. Because yes, Baekhyun often felt invisible even when his husband was touching him or talking to him; when the man looked at him, Baekhyun felt as if he was looking right past him. But here was Chanyeol seeing him in his entirety, even though his eyes were closed. 

Bringing his hand down further, Baekhyun fiddled with the hem of his underwear. He could feel his cheeks blushing like mad but he was so excited. The idea of Chanyeol touching him there was bliss unimaginable. So he pushed passed the barriers of his clothes and tentatively stroked the veiny flesh there. Chanyeol gasped in his ear; his own hands circling around himself and slowly pushing the skin back and forth. The air around them became stuffy and they felt so alive as they both moved in tandem, slowly building up speed. Baekhyun was salivating at the mouth and his moans spilled out uncontrollably. Every time Chanyeol grunted in pleasure, he felt tingles along his spine; a few times feeling so deliciously good that he wanted to burst into laughter. They took things slow. The feeling of Chanyeol’s hands around his length made Baekhyun dizzy. He felt the man squeeze him slightly while his free hand roamed up his chest and kneaded his nipple. Oh, Baekhyun was in heaven. It was as if Chanyeol really was right beside him. He swore he could even feel the man’s breath against his neck and the sweat from his body. 

Fully hard and riding on cloud nine, Baekhyun gripped harder and pumped faster until they both came. He cried out Chanyeol’s name at the same time Chanyeol arched his back and groaned so loudly, he would have ordinarily worried about the neighbors hearing him. They let go and tried catching their breath, bodies worn out yet undeniably satisfied. 

“I wish I could kiss you right now.” Chanyeol whispered as he lay in the dark. With his clean hand, he continued rubbing soft strokes up Baekhyun’s torso, loving the tiny hitch in his breath when he touched a nipple. 

“Even though you’re with me, I wish you were actually  _ here _ with me. Or I was  _ there _ with you.” Without voicing his desire he thought that he would really like to meet Chanyeol for real one day. 

After cleaning up, they spent the rest of the night chatting away. Chanyeol tried to make Baekhyun laugh as much as he could. The man sounded so alive when he did, his chuckles and giggles filling up the empty space in Chanyeol’s heart. They shared stories of times they saw each other do something funny or embarrassing. Like that time Chanyeol accidentally farted while on a date. Thinking about it now had Baekhyun double over in stitches.   


“Oh yeah? Think it’s funny? Well, I know something about you too, Mister.” Chanyeol threatened but all in goodwill. “What about that time you found a spider in your kitchen and you were so terrified that you spent the entire day avoiding that place, even though you were itching to get your hands on that packet of gummy bears in your cupboard. It was only later that night when you realized it wasn’t a spider, but a piece of fluff from one of your winter jerseys!” Chanyeol laughed boisterously while the other rolled his eyes. 

“Anyone would have made that mistake. Even you!” But he couldn’t help smiling despite is defense. He didn’t mind Chanyeol’s teasing and he like teasing him back. They just felt comfortable with each other, like they had known each other for years. 

Eventually they fell asleep. When Baekhyun’s husband came home later that night, he wondered why he had a small smile etched on his face while he slept the night away. 

 

The next couple of weeks, the “episodes” happened more often and lasted longer too. So far the longest had been an entire 24 hours. Even during sleep, they would feel each other and be aware of the other’s presence. Baekhyun always slept much better when Chanyeol was there sleeping “beside” him. Chanyeol became furious one day when he found himself aware of Baekhyun having sex with his husband. Baekhyun had to shush him from all his complaining in his head so Chanyeol decided to try take things in his own hands. Through Baekhyun’s hands, he touched himself and Baekhyun felt like he was feeling Chanyeol instead of his husband. He came hard that time too. 

Baekhyun got to unofficially meet Sehun much to Chanyeol’s disappointment. His best friend wasn’t exactly a model citizen even if he was model material. He would have liked to keep Baekhyun away from his stupidity as much as possible. 

“Is it safe to come in? You’re not going to gouge my eyes out with your stainless steel chopsticks again, are you?” Sehun poked his head around the door one day. It had been a while since he last spoke with Chanyeol. 

“Yeah, yeah. Come in. What’s up?” Chanyeol was having a lazy day but a real good one. While finishing up some laundry, Baekhyun appeared and they spent the rest of the afternoon watching a movie on Chanyeol’s tv. They was still busy when Sehun came by but he couldn’t ignore his best friend, especially not after the way he treated him last time. 

“Who’s this?” Came Baekhyun’s voice. 

“Sehun.” Chanyeol replied. 

“Yes?” Sehun responded and Chanyeol moaned in irritation. How was he going to try have a three-way conversation, one in the physical environment and one in his head without seeming like he had lost his shit. 

“Nothing. So how are things going?” Sehun indulged Chanyeol for a good four hours. When the blonde said something funny, Baekhyun would laugh and Chanyeol felt annoyed. 

“You can’t seriously be jealous, Yeol!” Baekhyun had remarked once Sehun took his leave. 

“I’m not jealous! Who said I was jealous?” And Baekhyun laughed in reply. 

 

Winter came by again. It had been officially a year since the first “episode” had happened and now the two men became a fixture in each other’s lives. Chanyeol asked for Baekhyun’s opinion on most everything- what shirt he should wear to a new job interview, what he should have for dinner, what haircut he should get. Baekhyun did the same. He even relied on Chanyeol’s support to break his sweet habit. 

And Chanyeol was incredibly proud when one day, Baekhyun stood up to his husband for the first time. The jerk raised his hand, about to hit him, when Baekhyun told him all nice and calm that if he ever raised his hand again, he would call the cops. His husband was stunned and ever since then, never so much as laid a finger on him. 

“I know he’s cheating on me. He’s with some law firm partner of his right now. Is it weird that I don’t mind? I mean, I don’t want him touching me at all. So it works out, right?” Chanyeol could understand how Baekhyun felt but he still encouraged him to end his marriage because for how long could he continue living like that? 

Chanyeol wasn’t the only one proud. Baekhyun was proud too. When one day, Chanyeol gathered up the courage to visit his mom for the first time in years. She recognized her son immediately and Chanyeol felt compelled to be honest with her and tell her everything that went on in his mind regarding her situation. There were tears but mended hearts by the time he left the institution. Suddenly Chanyeol felt at peace with his mom and where she was. Even if she occasionally forgot his existence or mistook him for someone else, he reckoned he didn't mind. He knew she loved him and he loved her. Growing up without a father was tough, so his mother was the only family he had. And he had to start treating her like that again. His heart really felt like bursting when he heard Baekhyun say; “I’m proud of you. And she seems really nice. I would like to meet her one day.” 

Life was as right as rain. Baekhyun felt himself grow stronger each day. Whenever his husband tried to manipulate him, he defended himself. He also had Chanyeol to help him differentiate from truth and lies. Such as when his husband told him he was useless, Chanyeol told him otherwise. Baekhyun took up new hobbies; he went to drawing classes and cooking classes. He also joined the city council, working hard on making his own friends by himself and overcoming his shyness. 

Chanyeol too was busy. His new job was demanding yet satisfying. When he got home after a long hard day at work, he felt proud of himself. Never had he worked so hard and put so much of himself into his bread and butter. Whereas before he felt like he was always sabotaging any good thing that happened to him, now he was making the right decisions and felt healthy about it- healthy mentally and physically. No longer was he dependent on his headache pills. Sleeping soundly at night, he woke up afresh the next day ready to tackle any obstacle. 

Of course, life had it’s uphills but the two were always there to support each other. And at times when the “episodes” didn’t happen, Chanyeol would often wonder what Baekhyun would say to him if he were there. Everything was dandy and Chanyeol was grateful. 

 

One day, Baekhyun shouted for Chanyeol’s attention so unexpectedly that Chanyeol threw his bowl of spaghetti up in the air out of fright. 

“Oops. Sorry.” The shorter male said with a smile on his face. Though Chanyeol couldn’t see it, he heard the amusement in his voice. 

“Yeah, sure you are. What’s got your panties in a twist?” He grumbled but of course, he wasn’t really upset with him. 

“I remembered something this morning. I thought about it the whole day because at first, I thought I was just making things up. But no, I’m positively sure it really happened. So sit down, strap yourself in and get ready for a tale of the paranormal.”

“Oh gosh.” Chanyeol whined. “Just let me get some more food. Wait a minute.” 

Once Chanyeol was all settled, Baekhyun began. “Picture this. There is a boy, about six years old. His parents are fighting and he’s so scared, he hid himself in his closet. But still, the shouting doesn’t stop and he can’t take it anymore. His chest starts heaving and he falls into a panic attack. He’s clutching his toy rabbit, something he’s had since he was born, and he whispers to it, asking it to help him and give him strength.” 

Chanyeol drops his bowl, his food flying out onto the floor. This story is all too familiar to him. 

“How did you know about that?” He asks softly. It’s one of his deepest memories and he’s pretty sure no one in the entire world, not even Baekhyun knowing his thoughts, could ever know something like that. 

“Shush, just listen. Now picture this. While all this is happening to the little boy, on the other side of the country, another little boy finds himself in a similar situation. This other boy is facing a school bully, a real meanie on the playground. The bully hits the boy and the boy runs away to hide in the toilet. He’s crying and he prays for help and strength.” 

Chanyeol interrupts. “It-it can’t be…”

“Are you going to listen to my story or not?” Baekhyun asks annoyed. So Chanyeol keeps quiet until the other is completely done. 

“In that moment, the two suddenly are not in their own bodies anymore. They swear they can feel someone else with them, hear cries from another person. The boy in the toilet can see a toy rabbit clutched in chubby fingers-”

“I wasn’t  _ that _ chubby.” Chanyeol grumbles but Baekhyun doesn’t let it phase him. 

“The  _ not-so-chubby  _ boy can see the bathroom stall around him but he knows he’s not anywhere outside his closet. Do you remember all this? Because I do. Chanyeol, we met before!” He exclaims and Chanyeol can feel a rush of energy as Baekhyun gets more and more excited at the revelation. 

“I honestly forgot about that. I thought it was something brought on by my panic attack.” He whispered in reply. It had been something he wondered about for years but eventually, with all the drama in his life, he stopped thinking about it. It blew his mind that they had really met before. 

“Maybe we’re meant to be, Baek.” In a way, it’s always felt like that. 

“I think the universe somehow brought us two together to help each other. We both prayed for it, didn’t we? We got what we needed. And now in our adult lives, things have spiraled out of control again and guess what? We meet again. Coincidence? I think not!” Chanyeol can tell Baekhyun is really excited at this prospect of soulmates, of the universe bringing them both together. Perhaps it’s true. Honestly, it’s the only other thing that makes sense. 

“Well, then I’m glad I had to go through a really shitty time in order to meet you.” Chanyeol says. He can tell Baekhyun is blushing even if he can’t see him. He swears he can feel the other’s heartbeat too. 

“Baekhyun,” he says softly. “I think...I think I really love you.” 

It feels right. Baekhyun feels right for him and when he’s not around, Chanyeol has a yearning to feel him as if his life depended on hearing or touching him. 

“I love you, too. Chanyeol, I’m leaving him. I packed my bags this morning and I’ve already signed the divorce papers. I’m not going to run away like last time. I’ll wait till he gets home and tell him to his face.” 

Chanyeol was so proud. He felt elated at this good news. But a worry gnawed in his gut as well. 

“What if he tries something, Baek? You know how violent he can be.” 

“I know. Which is why I asked a friend to be with me at the time. I’m done being his lapdog. I know I can do this. Wish me luck.” 

The “episode” was ending so Chanyeol quickly cheered him on and then all was quiet again. He was alone in his living room, food strewn all over the floor. But he was happy. Baekhyun had finally made it. 

 

The next time they “met”, Baekhyun wanted to quickly inform Chanyeol that all went well the night he left his husband. He was now officially divorced. He was on his way to his brother’s house a couple of hours away and he would stay with him for as long as he could. Baekbeom had organized a job for him as an illustrator for a small up and coming magazine and Baekhyun was so excited. Chanyeol also informed him that he had recently been promoted in his own job and that he was moving out to a place closer to his mom so that he could visit her more often. There was something final about this “episode” and they both knew it. Things were going well so why continue like this. They set out what the universe wanted so why would the universe continue throwing them together like this? Chanyeol was fine with it being the last just as long as he knew Baekhyun would be safe and happy, although the idea of losing touch with him was quite painful to comprehend. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew they would come together again when the time was right. 

They decided to have a spontaneous dinner date; Baekhyun stopped by some lookout on the side of the road and grabbed the takeaway he bought for himself earlier on while Chanyeol quickly made himself some soup. They ate together and talked about everything. Chanyeol enjoyed the view he saw through Baekhyun’s eyes; he was seated overlooking a mountain range and because the sun was setting, the earth was cast in a golden light. He thought it was fitting because Baekhyun was like an angel. He told this to the other who burst out laughing at his cheesiness but he knew Baekhyun secretly liked it. When it got too dark, the two parted ways. They didn’t say goodbye but rather a “see you later”. Baekhyun drove the couple hours to his brother’s place and arrived safely. He started his new life feeling confident and assured that this time, things would finally work out for him. Chanyeol went to visit his mother the next day and for once, he laughed more with her than he had ever done before. He told Sehun about his mother and about Baekhyun, not caring about the raised eyebrow of judgement he received in return but it was okay. 

 

It was okay because neither of them felt invisible any more. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPILOGUE

 

The city Chanyeol found himself in was the pits! How much he hated the cold, lord only knew. It was snowing and although he sprang in a tuft of snow like an excited kid the first time he saw it, he now loathed it. It made his shoes soggy and the cold seeped right into his bones. Everyone around him was miserable too. So as soon as he could, he would get out of this city and back to his warm sunny home. Life was too short to be spent weighed down in winter gear 24/7. 

Walking down the sidewalk, he held his briefcase in his cold, trembling fingers. He was here for a meeting with some new business partners in the company he had just become a partner in and he needed to discuss new acquisitions. Rounding a corner, he heard a voice shout his name. 

“I know that voice.” He smiled as he turned around. Across the street stood Baekhyun in the flesh, his rosy cheeks glowing from the cold and his eyes sparkling with excitement. After a car passed by, he ran to Chanyeol and stopped a few feet away. 

“I thought I was hallucinating but it’s really you.” He said, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Chanyeol’s face. 

“Hi, Baek. Long time no see. I missed you.” The other man giggled at the sudden confession but nodded his head as if to say he felt the same. 

“How many years has it been?” 

“Too many. You look well. What are you up to these days?” He wished he could crouch down and hug the shit out of the smaller but standing like this out in the open made it a little awkward to do so. Chanyeol’s thoughts over the years had been about many things but one thing he could never get his mind off was Baekhyun. The memories always made him smile, sometimes feel a little sad when he especially missed him on rainy nights but he never regretted a single moment they spent together. 

“I’m a freelance illustrator. What about you?” Much to Chanyeol’s surprise, Baekhyun wasn’t even wearing as many layers of clothes as he was. And when he looked down, he was shocked to see the man sockless. 

“The cold never bothered you, huh?” He answered as a reply instead and Baekhyun merely beamed up at him. 

“Thick skin.” They stood gazing at each other until a couple walking down the sidewalk gave them both the stink eye. Then they couldn’t help it and burst out laughing. What a bunch of weirdos they were. Baekhyun slipped his arms around Chanyeol’s waist and held him tight while Chanyeol buried his nose in the shorter’s hair, his arms wrapped around him like a precious item to be cherished. 

“Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol thought he would have been shy to ask such a thing but Baekhyun seemed totally at peace. 

“I see you.” Baekhyun playfully shoved Chanyeol by the shoulder at his cheesy reply. 

“Some things don’t change, huh? Though you know I secretly like it.” 

Taking hold of his hand, Chanyeol leaned down and kissed Baekhyun’s forehead. “Date me, Baek. I’m tired of waiting for you.” 

Baekhyun moved his head up and kissed Chanyeol’s lips, gently and lovingly. “Okay,” he whispered against the other’s mouth. “I still love you, even after all this time.”

The winter town suddenly seemed much more appealing to Chanyeol. 

 

Months later on a lazy Sunday, Chanyeol woke up to a naked body wrapped around him and soft snores echoing in their newlywed bedroom. He gazed down at the sleeping form next to him and gingerly kissed his head. He brought Baekhyun’s right hand up to his lips and kissed his wedding ring on his finger. What ever did he do to deserve such an angel?

“Coffee.” Baekhyun mumbled into the side of Chanyeol’s neck and the taller of the two shuddered in response. 

“Sure, babe. If you would kindly free me from your sleeping clutches, I’d be more than happy to get you some.” Baekhyun pinched him in his side, not painfully and only tightened his arm and legs around the giant. 

“I’m not letting you go.” He mumbled again. Outside, the birds were chirping and the sun was already high up. The babbling brook they had in their garden provided some light ASMR but when grumbling stomachs made their presence known, both knew it was time to get up. 

“What’s for breakfast? Toast? Egg? Egg  _ and  _ toast? Let’s be adventurous and have eggs, toast  _ and _ bacon. What do you say?” Baekhyun pulled himself out from the comfort of their bed, still clutching Chanyeol’s hand and slowly dragged him over to their kitchen. 

“Whatever you want, baby. We’ve got all day.” Chanyeol said, wrapping his arms around his husband’s waist. 

“Sausage?” Baekhyun inquired. 

“Hmm. But you had that last night.” He winked. 

“Oh! I can’t believe I married you!” Baekhyun exclaimed as he shoved Chanyeol away with a playful smile before laughing out loud. 

“Well, that’s your own fault. You bring out the best in me. What can I say?” Baekhyun rolled his eyes at such a response but got out the pan anyway with a pack of sausages too. 

“It’s gonna be a long day.” He mumbled jokingly and jumped when Chanyeol nipped his earlobe. 

“That’s for your insolence. Now make me breakfast, servant. Big man hungry!” Baekhyun laughed and scooted over when Chanyeol stood beside him so that he could start frying the eggs while Baekhyun attended to the toast. 

“Yes, sire!” He leaned up to whisper in Chanyeol’s ear. “And for brunch, how about some Baek buns with a side of Chanyeol lollipop?” Now it was Chanyeol’s turn to push the smaller away, whining about his corniness and how he’ll be stuck in this torment for the rest of his life. 

They ended up burning breakfast because they got carried away making out on the kitchen counter. But all was good. 

 

At least they got to have their brunch. 

 

 

THE END


End file.
